i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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