He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
