How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
