I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
