why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
