i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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