There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
