"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
