Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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