I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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