I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
