Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
time to smoke my breakfast
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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