hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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