I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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