1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
50% drunk capacity currently
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
