I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
