I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
