"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
