Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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