Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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