I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
