I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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