lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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