I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
either way he was missing a nipple.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
