I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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