she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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