I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
