he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Couch. On fire.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
