the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
