i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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