he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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