Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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