i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
