k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
