so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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