They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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