When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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