Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
