just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
