I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
