Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
