I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
