you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
