omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
