new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
