I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
