is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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