I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
