Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
