god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
