Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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