she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
