i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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