Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
