btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
