Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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