i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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