Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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