There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
