I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will be naked everywhere
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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