Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
