Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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