Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
