I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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