is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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